The Playground Has Changed

By Matt Hazelwood, Director of the Common Sense Culture Program

When I was in elementary school, I learned pretty quickly that the playground during recess was a place where you could relax, feel free, and have fun with your friends. Whether we were making up games as we went or trying a new sport, the playground felt like a fun and free place for me personally.

It was also on that playground where I was first introduced to bullying.

It started with something as simple as a game I had not yet learned how to play well. Tetherball was a ball attached to a rope and connected to a pole. The goal was to hit the ball in one direction until the rope wrapped around the pole, while your opponent tried to send it in the opposite direction. I came in as a third grader trying to learn the game, while the fifth graders could beat me pretty easily and they did, consistently.

At first, it just felt like competition. Then the tone changed. The name calling began, and what seemed innocent became real and direct. I was being picked on for not being good at something I had only recently learned. When I think back to that playground, one thing remains clear: I did not like how it made me feel.

Today, the setting may look different and the reach can be much more extreme, but those same feelings are still real. What once happened around a tetherball pole can now happen in a school hallway, classroom, group chat, on social media, or through a headset while gaming. The playground has changed, and for many students it no longer closes when recess or even the school day ends.

October is National Bullying Prevention Month, giving us an opportunity to address an issue that continues to affect students in our schools and communities. Bullying is not new, but the places where it happens have expanded.

The Reality for Middle School Students

Middle school can be a difficult season. Students are trying to discover who they are while also figuring out where they belong. Friendships are changing, social groups are becoming more important, and one comment or rumor can feel like it changes everything. I remember how quickly a game became personal for me. Today, a comment in the hallway can become a message in a group chat and then become something an entire group sees before the day is over.

According to federal education data, approximately 26% of middle school students reported experiencing bullying during the 2021–22 school year. Pew Research Center also found that 41% of young teens ages 13 and 14 had experienced at least one of the cyberbullying behaviors included in its survey. Those behaviors included offensive name-calling, false rumors, threats, unwanted explicit images, and having personal images shared without permission.

These are more than numbers. They represent students sitting in classrooms every day while carrying experiences that the adults around them may know nothing about.

When recess ended for me, I could physically leave the tetherball pole. Today, students may leave the hallway or classroom, but the messages can continue after school, at dinner, late at night, or before they get out of bed the next morning. A hurtful post can also be shared, saved, and screenshotted for a much larger audience.

 Gaming Is Also a Social Space

When adults hear the word “gaming,” we may think only about entertainment. For many young people, gaming is also one of the main ways they connect with friends. Pew Research Center reports that 85% of teens play video games, and 41% play at least once a day. Among teen players, 72% said spending time with others was one reason they game, and 47% said they had made a friend online through gaming.

Gaming can provide opportunities for teamwork, problem-solving, competition, and friendship. But it can also create opportunities for harm when there are no clear boundaries or accountability. About 43% of teen video game players said they had experienced at least one of three forms of harassment or bullying while gaming. That included offensive name-calling, physical threats, and unwanted sexually explicit material.

Sometimes harmful behavior gets dismissed as “just trash talk” or “just part of the game.” I understand how quickly competition can change. That tetherball game began with two students trying to win, but it became something different when the goal was no longer just winning—it became making someone else feel small. The fact that something happens through a headset does not make the impact less real.

Character Does Not Disconnect When We Log On

At CSC, we talk with students about healthy relationships, boundaries, communication, character, and decision-making. Those conversations cannot stop when students leave the classroom. The same honor, integrity, and respect we expect face-to-face must also be present online.

Character is not something we turn on only when a teacher, parent, or coach is watching. It takes character to refuse to join in when everyone else is making fun of someone. It takes courage to tell a friend that something is going too far. It takes discipline to pause before sending an angry message. It also takes wisdom to block, mute, report, save evidence, or ask a trusted adult for help.

Students do not have to start the bullying to contribute to it. On a playground, an audience can turn one person’s words into a much bigger moment. Online, that audience grows through laughing emojis, shares, reposts, screenshots, and recordings. On the other hand, one student choosing to speak up, check on the person being targeted, or tell an adult can begin changing the direction of the entire group.

What Adults Can Do

As parents, educators, coaches, and youth leaders, we cannot guide students through spaces we are unwilling to learn about. We may not understand every game, platform, group chat, or phrase students use, but we can ask better questions.

Instead of only asking, “Did you have fun playing?” we can ask, “How do people treat each other when someone makes a mistake?” Instead of only asking, “How was school?” we can ask, “Is there anything happening in a group chat that is making school harder for you?” These questions show students that their online experiences matter and that they have a safe place to talk.

During National Bullying Prevention Month, our goal should not simply be to tell students, “Do not bully.” We should help them recognize when the tone has changed, when competition has become personal, and when someone is no longer having fun. The playground, classroom, hallway, group chat, and gaming lobby may feel like different worlds, but the expectation should remain the same: treat people with honor, protect the dignity of others, and have the courage to act when someone is being harmed.

The playground has changed, BUT our responsibility to build a culture of character has not.

Sources

- National Center for Education Statistics, Student Reports of Bullying: Results From the 2022 School Crime Supplement to the National Crime Victimization Survey: https://nces.ed.gov/pubs2024/2024109rev.pdf

- Pew Research Center, Teens and Cyberbullying 2022: https://www.pewresearch.org/internet/2022/12/15/teens-and-cyberbullying-2022/

- Pew Research Center, Teens and Video Games Today: https://www.pewresearch.org/internet/2024/05/09/teens-and-video-games-today/

- StopBullying.gov, What Is Bullying?: https://www.stopbullying.gov/bullying/what-is-bullying